Your first anal experience does not need to be a test of endurance or a milestone you force yourself to complete. It might be a finger, a small toy, a penis—or deciding that tonight is not the night. All of those outcomes count.
The useful ingredients are simple: genuine desire, clear consent, time, communication and plenty of lube. Here is the advice we wish more of us had been given before our first time.
Why lube is essential for anal
The anus does not self-lubricate. Without added lube, friction builds quickly and can cause pain, irritation, small tears and condom breakage. A good anal lube creates glide and gives your body time to adjust.
Use it generously on the anus and on whatever is going in. Keep the bottle within reach and add more whenever you feel drag. Reapplying is part of anal sex, not evidence that you are doing it badly.
Which lube is best for beginners?
Water-based lube is a versatile place to start. It is easy to wash off and compatible with latex condoms and common non-porous toy matzerials, including silicone; check the toy maker’s guidance. A thicker water-based formula can be particularly useful for anal because it stays where you put it.
Silicone lube lasts longer and works well for anal and shower play. It is compatible with latex condoms, but it should not be used with silicone toys unless the manufacturer confirms otherwise.
Avoid oil-based products with latex or polyisoprene condoms. Skip numbing lube too: pain is your body’s warning system, and masking it can make injury harder to notice.
Before anything goes in
Make sure you actually want it
Curiosity is enough; pressure is not. Agree what you want to try, what is off-limits and how either person can pause or stop. Consent stays live throughout the experience.
Give yourselves time
Rushing is the enemy here. Start with kissing, touch, rimming or whatever helps you feel turned on and relaxed. The sphincter is a muscle; anxiety and anticipated pain can make it tighten.
Prepare without overdoing it
A shower and an external wash are enough for many people. Douching is optional, not a cleanliness requirement, and NHS sexual-health guidance warns that it can irritate the rectal lining and remove protective mucus. If you decide to douche, read reputable guidance first and give your body time afterwards. Anal sex involves a bum; perfection is neither realistic nor required.
Trim and file fingernails if fingers are involved. Use toys with a flared base—anything without one can travel farther than intended.
During: slow is a skill
● Start with external touch, then a well-lubed finger or small toy if that feels good.
● Let the receiving partner control pace and depth where possible.
● Breathe, pause and give the muscles time to release around the sensation.
● Add lube to both surfaces and reapply before anything feels dry.
● Check in with specific questions: “Same pace?”, “More?”, “Want to stop?”
Pressure, fullness and intensity can be part of the sensation. Sharp pain, burning or strong resistance are signals to stop. Do not push through them. Add lube, change the angle, go smaller, return to external play or call it a night.
There is no prize for penetration. A good first experience is one where everyone’s boundaries were respected and nobody had to perform expertise they did not have.
Condoms, gloves and safer play
Condoms help reduce STI transmission during anal sex. Use plenty of water-based or silicone-based lube to reduce friction and the chance of a condom tearing. Change condoms between partners and when moving a penis or toy from anus to vagina.
Gloves can make fingering smoother and cover tiny cuts around nails. If you share toys, use a fresh condom on the toy for each partner or body opening, and clean it according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
PrEP, regular testing and vaccinations may also be part of your sexual-health plan. U=U means a person living with HIV who is on effective treatment and maintains an undetectable viral load cannot pass HIV on through sex. PEP is emergency medication that must be started as soon as possible and within 72 hours of possible HIV exposure. These tools protect against different things, so an NHS sexual-health service can help you decide what fits.
Aftercare and what is not normal
Clean the area gently with warm water. Wash toys as directed and drink some water—not because anal demands a ritual, but because aftercare can be practical as well as affectionate.
Mild tenderness can happen. Significant or ongoing pain, heavy bleeding, fever, dizziness or feeling unwell are reasons to seek medical advice. A small trace of blood can occur, but repeated bleeding is not something to normalise.
Check in with each other later. What felt good? What would you change? Maybe next time means more warm-up, a different position, a thicker lube—or no next time at all.
Where HOWL fits
HOWL Water-based CBD Lube is thick, non-sticky, easy to wash and compatible with common non-porous toy materials, including silicone. HOWL Silicone CBD Lube lasts longer and is made for anal, extended sessions and shower play. Both finished formulas are certified hypoallergenic and condom-compatible; check the toy maker’s guidance for the particular pairing. We include CBD for its potential to support heightened sensitivity, arousal, muscular relaxation and local blood flow. Research into topical CBD in intimate formulas is still evolving, so these are possible benefits rather than guaranteed effects.
Choose the formula that fits your setup, use more than you think and keep the pace on the receiving body’s terms. First-time anal sex should not be about proving you can take it. It should be about finding out whether you enjoy it.
