“Best lube for gay men” is a popular search, but it is not a very useful category. Gay and bi men do not all have the same bodies, roles or sex. Not every gay man has anal sex; plenty of people who are not men do. Some of us top, some bottom, some switch, and some would rather keep penetration off the guest list entirel
So we are not going to prescribe one bottle to an entire community. We are going to help you choose lube for the sex you are actually having—with the people, toys and barriers you actually use.
Why lube matters
Lube reduces friction. That can make hand jobs, masturbation, toy play, vaginal sex and anal sex feel smoother and more comfortable. For anal, it is essential: the anus does not self-lubricate, and too much friction can cause pain, irritation and small tears.
Using lube is not a failure of arousal or technique. Across London bedrooms, saunas, playrooms and after-parties—and everywhere beyond—it is simply part of the kit. Put it where you can reach it and use more before drag turns into discomfort.
Water-based or silicone-based lube?
Neither is universally better. Think of them as two different tools.
Choose water-based lube when you want versatility
Water-based lube is easy to wash off and compatible with latex condoms and all common toy materials, including silicone. It is a solid choice for solo play, quick sessions and anyone who wants one bottle that works with most setups.
The trade-off is staying power. It can absorb or evaporate, especially during longer or more vigorous play. Reapplying is normal—not a mood killer, just good sense.
Choose silicone lube when you want staying powe
Silicone lube is silkier, water-resistant and generally lasts longer. Many bottoms and tops prefer it for anal because it keeps friction low without constant top-ups. It also works in the shower or bath.
Do not use it with silicone toys unless the manufacturer specifically confirms compatibility. It can also take more effort to wash from skin, toys and sheets.
Match your lube to your plans
For anal sex
Choose a generous, durable glide. A thicker water-based lube is a versatile starting point; silicone gives you more staying power. Apply lube to the anus and to the finger, toy or condom-covered penis. Start slowly, add more whenever you feel drag, and stop for sharp pain or strong resistance.
Lube makes friction easier. It does not do the jobs of arousal, relaxation, consent or communication. It also does not make a body permanently “looser”—that is not how the sphincter works.
For toys
Water-based lube is the safest default, particularly with silicone toys. Glass and stainless-steel toys give you more freedom, but the maker’s care instructions still win.
For shower sex
Silicone lube is the practical choice because water-based lube washes away. Use less than you think on the floor and more than you think on the body: slippery tiles are not the kind of risk we are trying to add.
For hands and solo play
Choose by feel. Water-based lube gives a lighter, easy-clean glide. Silicone stays slick for longer. There is no advanced-level answer here; pleasure is the brief.
Condoms and lube: the compatibility rule
Water-based and silicone-based lubes are compatible with latex condoms. Oil-based products—including coconut oil, petroleum jelly, lotions and massage oils—can weaken latex and polyisoprene condoms and make them more likely to fail.
Check the condom pack if you are using polyurethane or another specialist material. The label beats a rule you half-remember at 2am.
Ingredients and sensitive skin
There is no single ingredient list that works for everyone. If you know you react to fragrance, warming or cooling agents, choose a simpler formula without them. “Numbing” products are a poor shortcut for anal: pain is useful information, and masking it can make it harder to notice injury.
If a lube burns, stings or causes persistent irritation, stop using it. Wash gently, switch formulas and seek medical advice if symptoms continue.
The HOWL choice
HOWL Water-based CBD Lube is our versatile option: thick, non-sticky, easy to wash off and compatible with common non-porous toy materials, including silicone. HOWL Silicone CBD Lube is made for longer sessions, anal and shower play. Both finished formulas are certified hypoallergenic, vegan, cruelty-free and condom-compatible; the water-based formula is also pH-balanced. We include CBD for its potential to support heightened sensitivity, arousal, muscular relaxation and local blood flow. Research into topical CBD in intimate formulas is still evolving, so these are possible benefits rather than guaranteed effects. HOWL states that its CBD contains no THC, so it will not make you high.
The best lube for gay men is not one formula for every gay man. It is the lube that works with your body, your boundaries and whatever is happening tonight. Keep one within reach. Better yet, keep both.
